Exactly how much I pay in taxes as a freelancer

This one's for the nosy Nellies

The bad news: I’m so congested that I feel like I have a wrought-iron party hat strapped to my face.

The good news: My dog had a weird thing on his penis that disappeared (fell off into my bed?) overnight. I spent the weekend googling “DOG PENIS NORMAL” and “WHAT SHOULD DOG PENIS LOOK LIKE” and now we are both free of whatever plagued the tip of his ween. (Sounds like a British country town? Tip-Upon-Ween?)

Anyway: Today we’re talking about taxes!

I feel like a lot of industry newsletters talk about “demystifying the publishing process,” but nobody’s ever like, hey, here’s exactly how much I earn as a full-time writer and here’s exactly how much of that goes directly to the government.

I’ll preface this by saying that I am *not* a financial professional and this is *not* official financial advice. I’m good at navigating this stuff through years of trial and error and a stint as a personal finance columnist, but if you have similarly complex tax needs, you need a CPA.

if you don’t recognize this image please watch this chris fleming classic immediately

I’ll also say that my income varies dramatically from year to year, which is the price I pay for the freedom to bake a cake and watch reality TV at 2 PM on a weekday. If you have Qs about any of this, just ask! I’m not squeamish about money talk, but I am squeamish about my dog’s penis <3

Behold: Exactly how I do my taxes, down to the dollar