Hello again!
I’m here today to tell you what others will not: Your pubes WILL poke through the expensive, buttery-soft pajama pants beloved by the rich and famous. I got these for Christmas and I looooooOoOove them but I am genuinely afraid I am going to put someone’s eye out.
Before we dig in, two quick things:
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creativity is hard on the body
Well, boys: I have a hump on my back now.
I suspect it’s been in progress for a while now, thanks in part to my own poor posture/complete unwillingness to leave the couch during the first two years of the pandemic. But, over the last six months, the hump has evolved from *slightly unsightly* to *extremely painful evil hag vibes* thanks to the havoc I wreaked on my body during my book release.
My book came out in July. From roughly April to October, I experienced some of the most intense physical and emotional stress of my life. This was partly due to circumstances out of my control—I got laid off, my dog randomly decided to become an evil and wayward little boy—but was mostly due to the book release process. Between my self-funded mini-book tour, a frantic campaign to get in front of magazine editors and reviewers, and countless visits to my nearest UPS store where the employees are VERY mean, I was not prepared for the sheer grit required to make it through.
When I wasn’t on a flight or slamming sexie vodkie sodies at promo events, I was hunched over my laptop, cold-pitching news outlets and reviewing pages for print. Nutrition and hydration both went out the window, as did sleep. My hair fell out; what remained took on the consistency of wet beeswax. Rock-hard alien zits erupted across my jaw and cheekbones. I had near-constant jaw pain and headaches from clenching my teeth.
Now, here I am: six months post-launch, just barely beginning to repair the damage. Before, I was training for a half-marathon; now, two miles feels major. My skin’s cleared up, thank fuck, but I still wake up in considerable discomfort every day and have to employ a pretty rigorous ~*wellness*~ routine to feel moderately okay. (I recognize that this could also be a consequence of being dirty thirty fresh and flirty years old.)
this is extremely common!!!
I just interviewed one author who told me she “fully felt like she was going to die” for a solid month as she wrapped up her book manuscript. Another told me she experienced “extreme mood swings and weepiness” for an entire season after her debut was released. A photographer friend held off on seeing a dentist for years because she was so afraid of what they’d find after a period of extreme stress left her with TMJ.
In my experience, physical well-being is the first thing to go when we’re in the throes of creative intensity—whether that involves a deadline, a busy period with lots of travel and events, the onset of a new job or project, or the rare periods of bliss during which the work feels delicious and urgent at the expense of all else.
The basic tenets of health—feeding oneself appropriately, going outside, maintaining a sleep schedule—are hard to maintain alongside a creative practice, especially when you have folks in the Bukowski camp insisting that real artists subsist on cigarettes and cold showers. (Thank god for this Waxahatchee interview.)
It’s also difficult to establish any sort of health-related practice without wading into the harmful aspects of wellness culture, which are intentionally interwoven with fatphobia and pseudoscience. (Google “how do I take care of my body” and you’re immediately met with advice to ingest low- or no-fat dairy as often as possible. Okay???)
so what??? do we do?????
I’m going to share a few of the tricks I’ve employed to undo the damage done during my book release. With any luck, I’ll remember to maintain a few of these habits during my next period of creative intensity.
I’ve listed them below in lieu of advising everyone to simply ~go to the doctor~ which may be inaccessible for many and actively harmful for many others. (If you live in Chicago and need a weight-neutral, queer-friendly doctor, reply to this newsletter and I’ll recommend my GP. Dr. Linda if you’re reading this helloooo I would die for you girl)
Setting an alarm to remind me to stretch in the morning and evening
Acupuncture, which is not something I ever thought I’d be into until my GP recommended it for asthma, allergies, and anxiety and it WORKED. Most cities have community acupuncture providers with pay-as-you-can models
Ugh, yeah, avoiding alcohol. Turns out that stuff makes you feel really bad
Overhauling my desk setup to encourage myself to STOP WRITING ON THE COUCH thereby worsening my hump
Trying so hard to stop playing video games before bed REALLY I am TRYING
Suiting up like the kid from A Christmas Story and going for Vigorous Winter Walks (VWW)
Creative work is hard on the body, and artists are famously bad at taking care of ourselves. But we’re not 22 anymore (unless you are 22, in which case… I congratulate you) and we can’t afford to neglect our physical health for extended periods of time in service of frantic creativity. If your body is constantly in fight-or-flight mode, the work will suffer.
How do you keep your body passably functional? Sound off in the comments, wellness gods.
and now for your weekly dose of treats:
Welcome to YEAH BABY YEAH, a weekly roundup of little treats to get you through your creative practice and/or stave off the darkness within.
This extremely simple sports bra: I’m training for a 10K in an attempt to feel strong again, and I needed a new sports bra to clamp down my moderately-sized honkers. I don’t know if you’ve seen sports bras lately, but they all have a million weird straps and uncomfortable sewn-in cups and mesh where mesh does not belong. The Sweaty Betty Stamina bra reminds me of the sports bra I used to wear to eighth grade gym class—no funky straps, an extensive selection of colors, and compressive without feeling… sharp? Also, it’s cheaper than what you’ll find at other fitness retailers, and the sizing goes up to 3X. (It runs a little small, so I recommend sizing up or ordering multiple sizes if you would like to breathe.)
Having friends over for breakfast: Evening hangouts are dead! Make a breakfast casserole and get people in and out by 2 p.m. so you can go to bed!!!
Supporting creative labor unions: My former colleagues at the Onion Union are undergoing contract negotiations with the very evil G/O Media overlords as we speak. Meanwhile, Second City educators just scored a fair contract!
clamping down my moderately-sized honkers,
Lil
Exercise, for me, is key to keeping The Horrors at bay. In the winter, a good set of stairs (if available) to run up and down a few times is a great way to tire myself out quickly without having to go outside.
Also, I second the USPS. Media mail for books always and forever.
VWW for the win! I've tried to get outside every day in January and as a fellow midwesterner, that can be... challenging! But I'm very disappointed to report, moving my body around in the outdoors makes me feel one hundred time better than writing in my bed cave.